A few weeks back I discovered a gem of an e-book with a catchy title: Getting Lucky by Sarah Baron. I finally got the chance to read it and found it particularly interesting and worthwhile to share as I am a big proponent of creating a plan in order to achieve personal objectives. The ebook is for men who feel there isn’t enough physical intimacy in their marriages right now, and would like to work with their spouse to fix that problem in a collaborative way (what we men can do better and how to help your wife think about the issue differently). If your looking to jump-start the passion you remember from the early days of your marriage, this book will give you an approach that really works.
- Main Goal: to help your wife reach the Eureka Moment of realizing that sex is just as important to you as doing something special for your anniversary is to her.
- Recognize an issue you have in your marriage and open up communication: infrequent sex can serve as a red flag that something is wrong with your marriage. In my experience, the lack of kissing can serve as sort of an early warning sign that things are heading in the wrong direction. But instead of focusing on whether having sex 2-3 x per week is a sign of healthy marriage, the focus instead is on whether the amount is satisfying you. To get to the place where your having sex at this satisfying level, it’s going to take communication. Communication is a key factor in getting lucky.
- The Catch-22 of Intimacy (remember this!): “She needs closeness to feel sexual; you need sex to feel close.” To increase your “lucky quotient” you have to be doing things that make here feel loved, which will help you increase your chances of getting lucky.
- Foreplay does not begin right before sex: this was a great section and really get’s to the fundamentals of what women want – more of all those little things you do that are NOT sexual in nature. Think of it like making deposits in the bank: “If you make little “deposits” throughout the day in the form of a longer-than-usual kiss as you walk out the door in the morning, a flirty phone call at noon, and touching her frequently and affectionately as you help with dinner – you’re going to find there’s plenty of goodwill built up by the time you actually initiate sex.”
- Behavior check up: this section is where you do a brutal reality check on certain behaviors you are displaying that are decreasing your chances of getting lucky with your wife. You have to really ask yourself about what is interfering with the plan you have to make her feel loved (which will ultimately lead to you getting lucky!). Here is where you discover what improvements you can make. One example provided:
- The Problem: “Do you pay attention to her? I mean, do you really pay attention to her? Do you know her hopes and dreams and fears?”
- The Fix: “When you see her at the end of the day, ask her how her day was. Pay attention. If she’s a stay at home mom, you may be the only adult she’s interacted with all day. Imagine how you’d feel in that situation, and give her some quality conversation time.”
- Figure out both of your love languages: According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book called The 5 Love Languages we have one or two primary love languages. Knowing what they are can give you some insight into exactly what makes your wife feel most loved. The love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
Get your wife to take this 5-minute free online test. Inside the Getting Lucky ebook is another great section that gives you different seduction techniques and ways to pay attention to your wife, categorized into the 5 love language areas.
- Build Your Getting Lucky Plan: This is where you create a plan with goals, action items, and a timeline. You’ve asked all the tough questions, you took a brutal look at your behaviors and discovered improvements you can make, and done a lot of thinking about ways to pay attention to your wife more. Here is where you take all this work and make it happen. It is where you break down the big problems into deliberate steps you can take.
Here is a quick snapshot of the sample action plan:
To the mattresses!
Buy Getting Lucky Here!
Question: What are different seduction techniques and ways to pay attention to your wife that have worked for you?